Don't ever lose hope

I would like to say I'm in a transforming stage. One in which I will come out stronger with an even harder shell for new people to break through. The same kind of events keep happening to me and I know they do for a reason; for me to learn.

So what am I supposed to learn? That you can't trust anyone and that guys will treat you with less respect than you know you deserve? F u c k  n o. That is not the lesson. It has nothing to do with other people, it has to do with me and me only.

Self-love before you can be loved.

I know I have talked about it before, the fact that everything that has happened to me in the past created the person I am. I have talked about how I've learned. Although, I keep doing the same mistakes. But I read somewhere that people or events don't leave your life until they have taught you what you needed to learn from them.

I have gotten my head smashed into a wall now. Wake up and smell the fucking coffee Malena.

Again, this has nothing to do with people that I am surrounded by now, no one has mistreated me. The only one who has been mistreating me is me.
Doubt, worrying and stress has been part of every day this last month. I need to take serious action.

I am so sick of my brain too. I over analyze and I over think everything. This is what causes me to always live in the future. I create my own destiny and I do it by making up scenarios in my head that aren't even real, but which become real. I am so frustrated with this, and the fact that I don't know how to stop.

The only time I really live in the now is when I meditate. A state of pure peace of mind. That is when I can reconnect with myself, which is so important. I am who I am, and if someone decides they don't like that person anymore there's nothing I can do about it. -Even though I would have preferred an explanation. Then again, not everyone thinks like me. -

It may sound like I'm sad or whatever, but I'm fine. I won't ever lose hope. My future is bright and I am so aware of what I need to work on, and that is step one, the one that sets the foundation for my whole lesson-learning process.

-

Yesterday was awesome by the way. A crazy night for all of us I would say. Good times.


Love.

I'm here.

Since I was a teenager, I have known that I will get a well-paid job, managing and coaching others. I will travel, I will do presentations, I will be in charge of meetings, I will have a big office etc. This is not something I ever doubt, I know this will happen.
Just like I've known that I would get all the former jobs I've applied for in my past. I have never ever had one single doubt in my mind.
I got all those jobs. I got a job no one believed I would get before I decided to start studying again. The important thing though, was that I knew it, it didn't matter what anyone else thought.

You think I'm crazy right? But this is just an example of manifesting. And this is something I've done without even being conscious about it. Negative thoughts like worrying, stressing, and especially prejudging will for sure limit your life.

I am a specialist in using the law of attraction when it comes to certain areas of my life and the worst f-ing example in other areas. All the areas are proof that it works though. When you focus all your energy on what you don't want, that is exactly what will happen. When you focus on what you do want, you will get it.



The routine goes like this; ask, believe, receive. Tell the universe what you want, believe and act like its yours already and c h i l l  o u t. Let go. Don't cling to people or things. Give them all your love and positivity and they will come to you. All you have to do is trust the process, 100%.


I am working towards a life filled with abundance.
I am happy and grateful for so many things, although I still have work to do. But that's kinda why I'm here, living.
Life is a journey and we will never reach the ultimate goal or be finished in life, because eventually, we'll be gone. That is why it's so important to find happiness here and now and never stop learning to gain wisdom.

I'm here for you.

Quick facts

For anyone who is interested in some quick facts about me;

• I am 29 years old, and I'm a proud Leo with a touch of Virgo
• Born and raised in a town called Vasteras in Sweden
• Have been living in Santa Barbara for almost 3 years
• Middle child with 2 sisters
• Personality type ENFP, also known as "the inspirer"
• My dream is to run my own business
• I am a sun-worshiper, and I love the beach
• I meditate every single morning and do a yoga sequence for about 20 minutes
• I love food
• My eyesight is terrible so I wear contacts every day
• I do not like the taste of water. I force myself to drink it
• Working out is my drug
• I am an Instagram addict who likes selfies
• My dad is my greatest inspirer
• I am afraid of heights and can not walk down broad stairs without holding on to someone
• My dream as a girl was to live in California
• My confidence is very high but my self-esteem needs work
• I absolutely love walking with music in my ears
• My heart has a little hole in it
• I get creative and inspired by red wine
• I have a pillow that I sleep on every night that has been with me forever, it makes me feel safe
• My nightly routine of face cleansing, creams, and serums include 7-8 products
• I have a need to talk about emotional pain when I experience it, in order to let it go
• I have 3 tattoos
• I used to have a tongue piercing when I was 18-20 years old
• I have been on 3 backpacking trips 
• I have visited 19 different countries
• Addicted to Victorias Secret lingerie, owning about 80 pairs of panties
• Star gazing is therapy
• Love is all we really need
• I have a dream to one day write a book
• I can curl my tongue and wiggle my nose
• Squirrels and balloons are my love signs
• I believe in the law of attraction

Happy Friday

I'm sorry for being a bit flakey about my blogging! I guess it's about priorities right now, there's a bunch of other stuff going on in my life. It will get better, and my updates will get better too, promise.

It's friday night, I'm drinking red wine and am currently working on the first draft of an essay in one of my 5 classes. All the other girls are going out tonight, but for some reason I really didn't feel like joining them. I am really comfortable in my bed, in my hoodie, with my wine and my computer right now. I feel inspired and creative.

Margarita Monday

I will feel awesome tomorrow, and I am planning on going to the gym in the am, then study all day.

This week flew by as they always do. Monday was kind off a drag in school, because I was really tired. But my energy level rose as the night started, and me and the girls did Margarita Monday, starting at El Paseo then Sandbar. I laughed so much I got sore in my abs the day after, not kidding.

The weekend starts on Wednesday nights for me, and it started off really good. Thursday was one of the most productive days I've had in years probably, and the night ended with a visit to our neighbors.. laughing a lot to say the least.

The Shop lunch

I started this awesome Friday with a walk to east beach and back, and it was really hot outside. I can't believe it's the middle of November and it's like 72 degrees. Then I went to The Shop and had lunch, and it was super good as always. We both tried YOLO today and I'm mind blown by those biscuits, seriously.

And now, here I am, writing on a Friday night. I feel so good though. Better than I've had in a long time, thanks to more than one thing.

 Have a good weekend everyone!

Me

It's Sunday afternoon and I feel like sharing.

I stumbled upon an article this summer that really touched me. It did because I felt like I was reading about myself. I find it really interesting to read about how humans function, and how there is no way of telling what another person is feeling or thinking. I mean truly feeling and thinking.
We try, we over-analyze, we misunderstand, we judge, and we walk away out of fear of getting hurt.

I often get the feeling that people think they know how I function, but there are so many things that I am that does not necessarily show. I am a loner, a thinker, a feeler and a person who believes in signs. I am outgoing, hard-skinned and driven. I love meditating outdoors, walk alone, and write poetry. I love drinking wine with a big crowd, I love the feeling of being productive, work hard and lead other people.
Many of these things might seem contradictory but it's the way I am. The qualities you see from the outside are the ones I get judged by, but it's what's on the inside that's the real me.

Back to the article, it's called "How to love a leo".  I have copied a few paragraphs that are so spot on it's scary.

"She will yearn not for a castle on a hilltop, but for a cabin in the woods, so that she can sit by the river that runs through the land and listen to the lessons the four directions has to share. She will bow down and touch her forehead to the ground often, in an act of reverence and gratitude—and she will understand that the breeze that whistles through treetops carries with it messages meant just for her."

"She is stubborn—but she is kind and her compassion reaches to the far corners of the earth. In her heart, she holds it all; the joy and the sorrow, the laughter and the tears. As much as she wants you to wrap your arms around her and be held, she also needs long moments to hold herself, for a Leo feels so deeply at times she wonders if it is a blessing or a curse."

"She will feel like royalty if you return from a walk in the woods with a handful of wild flowers and if you take her on a date to gaze at the stars, she will devote her heart to you, and you alone. "

I am me, it's all I can be. It is also all I want to be, and that is a big realization.

Halloween weekend ✔

Ok, here we go.

I haven't had time to write in a while, mainly because of all the fun I've had. Seriously.

I'm entering week 5 at Antioch tomorrow, which is completely insane because it means I'm halfway through the quarter. It also means that I have to step up my game, because all the final projects are coming up. I'm gonna have to plan all my study time now.

Anyways, I'm sitting here on our couch looking at our place which is still full of halloween decorations., thinking back at an awesome Friday night. Although, my Halloween celebration started when I carved my very first pumpkin on Thursday night, I'm super proud.

Back to Friday; we started getting ready, made the jungle juice (punch), took out 100 jello-shots, and then people started showing up. The original plan was to go DT but everyone showed up later than we thought so it turned in to a really awesome party with a great mix of people. We had a bucket filled with sticky letters, and a wall where all the people could write stuff, and that was super fun! Almost as fun as waking up on Saturday and read it all.

I think I fell asleep around 3.30 am, and woke up at 7.30 am just to start cleaning. So worth it though, I had a good time. Saturday was all about recovering, so we all just stayed on the couch and on the floor all day, watching movies and talking about the party. I love my girls so much..
We were considering doing round 2, me Kirstine and Louise, but we stayed in. I'm really happy about that today because I was able to take a morning walk, study and then spend hours at the gym.  I feel really good; energized and productive. Ready for a new week.

So, have a great week everyone. Remember to be grateful for everything you have, and count your blessings as often as you can!

Love

Craziness

This weekend started off with a trip to whole foods to get their awesome food, and the ingredients me and Kirstine needed to make our favorite banana oatmeal cookies. Then we watched 2 movies and took a walk down to shoreline to watch the stars. We sat down on a bench and stared, looking for shooting stars (but never saw one). I told her that moment is going to be one of those moments you never forget..

I feel like I'm getting closer to her all the time, and I love it. It's not the easiest thing finding good friends you know. 

That's the reason I almost cried on Saturday after a few glasses of wine too, since Louise is moving in December, and it's just 7 weeks left. I can't even think about it..

Saturday was crazy. We had a pre party at our place and everyone seemed to have a pretty awesome time. Preston and a bunch of his friends came and it was super good seeing him again! Always a good time.

I haven't been out in Santa Barbara since fiesta i august so I definitely went all in, and well, lets just say I had a pretty good time, which was very much needed. 

Sunday was super unproductive, me and Ellen were just hanging out all day, watching movies. 

I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before, so I seriously went to bed at 9 pm, and had to get up at 6 am to go to school. It was not the easiest thing to do, but I made it.

This weekend is Halloween! We are throwing a party on Friday, and I literally can't wait. Have to get all the studying done before, so I can recover the rest of the weekend after this Friday. 

Have a good one everyone.

Weekend!

I can't believe week 3 at Antioch is over! In 2 weeks, I'll be halfway through my first quarter and I feel awesome. I'm glad I decided to do 15 units each quarter and finish in September instead of doing 12 and graduate in December next year. It keeps me busy!

I'm currently at the SBCC library, trying to study, but my thoughts wander.. Erika is on her way from SF and we are going to see Annabelle at 5.20 pm. I'm so nervous! I heard it's super scary..
I have been looking forward to this weekend, and especially Saturday. With all us girls together, pre-partying at our place, nothing can go wrong!

My awesome teacher Anna Kwong said something to us yesterday in class that really got stuck on my mind.
"If your fairy godmother came to you tonight and said she will fulfill 3 wishes, what would you wish for"?
People responded like;
"I want happiness"
"Economic stability"
"Keep fulfilling myself"
"Learn new things everyday"

She was not happy with these responds. We need clear goals. If my fairy godmother come to me and I tell her I want happiness, what is she supposed to do with that? It's not specific at all.
So my mission these upcoming days will be to come up with 3 very clear goals.

Have a great Thursday everyone!

Love,

We are all superheroes

Do me a favor; look back on your life, and some of the major struggles you've been through.

Do you remember how you felt? I mean, how it really felt? The heart brake that made you scream, cry, and crawl on the floor, thinking nothing in the world can make you feel better. The job you really really wanted that you didn't get, that made you're stomach turn inside out. The loss of a loved one, that made you speak out loud to the stars on a sleepless night, because that was the only way you could feel a slight comfort, thinking they were up there listening to you.

These events might have happened many years ago, a few weeks ago, or you might be in a situation that is tearing you up as you are reading this.
What I want you to remember is this; you have super-powers.

I, like all of you, have been through rough paths in my 29year old life. Heartbreaks, illness, loss of loved ones, rejection, hopelessness, depression, panic attacks..to mention a few.
But what I have always said, is that I am grateful for my struggles. Because I would not be Malena if I hadn't been through it all. I am proud of myself, and I love myself.
I made it through, just like you. Because of the powers we all possess. We just need to remember them when we go through rough times. YOU are going to make it through, just like you did before, I promise.

--------

I'm compassionate and I'm kind. I'm emotional and sensitive. But I'm strong, and tougher than you think. Yes, I am going through something now, but it's not a heartbrake like many of you might think. I'm not broken.
Disappointed, frustrated, angry, yes. But brokenhearted? Hell no.

I'm using every single part of my body to fight this and get through it as quickly as possible.


On that note, Happy Wednesday super-power you. <3

New beginnings

Like you all know, I am a sucker for sharing emotions. I know I've said it before; it is how I deal with things. When my last post was published, I could focus on studying and do other things instead of over-analyzing situations that I have no control over what so ever.
So, I'm sorry if I sometimes get a little emotional.

Today is Monday! My favorite day of the week (not sarcastic). I love new beginnings, and that's just what Mondays are. I also started a new routine this weekend; running the tracks at SBCC.
Whenever I feel like I need to start over completely, I find something new to do. In the past, I started writing poetry once, started taking different routes downtown, listen to classical music.. You get the picture.

This upcoming weekend will be so much fun. Erika is coming from SF, and although the movie Annabelle on Thursday might not be all that fun, it will be seen with the best company ever.
And this Saturday will be the first time I'm going out since I got back, and I can't wait!
Plus, I got my Halloween costume yesterday and it fits, that's always the biggest concern when you order online. I won't tell you what I'll be, that will be a surprise.

It's time to make dinner now, then me and Ellen are gonna watch The Other Woman.
Have an amazing week everyone, I know I will!