The thing about love

Imagine being the person you've always wanted to be.
No more "I wish I was more like that, or less of this"
Never having to say "This is just the way I am, there's no way I can ever change, even though I want to".

I am an improved person now, compared to three years ago. Because that is what the love from the right person does to you. I understand the true meaning of "you make me a better person".

And it's not because the other person "completes" you, or in any way forces you to change, or tells you that you can't do certain things.

It's because you, and only you, want to improve and be the best version for the person you love.
It's because the talks the two of you have about life, give you so much insight, and adds a whole new purpose to life.
It's because the person you love supports you, all the time,  and encourages you to try new things.
It's because the love from that person makes you feel completely safe.
It's because the two of you are a team.
It's because love is something greater than any other force in this universe.

That's the thing about love.

Don't let the pressure of living a perfect life ruin your life

This will probably sound like the biggest cliché of all times. But. It needs to be said.
We have one life. One. And every single day is a part of this one life we've been given.
But, we can't beat ourselves up for not living every day "perfectly". 


I have been struggling a little bit these first months of 2019. Initially, I think just waking up on January 1st was scaring me, because 2018 was the best year of my life. So I just started thinking about how this upcoming year could ever beat that? That was strike one.
Because years and days and hours is just something that has been made up by us humans as a way to organize things. Life never stops and begins again, it's just this one flow.

I also left the job I had for almost three years, and started a new one in the beginning on January. Much harder than I ever could imagine. Because at my previous job I felt like I was contributing, I was filled with knowledge, I felt like I meant something to the company and I was fucking great at my job. Coming from that, to knowing basically nothing, and being "the newbie" is rough. Strike two this year was caring too much about proving my self. The most important thing is that I know that I'm trying my best, and that I'm eager to learn.


My anxiety has been worryingly present this year as well. Honestly, I haven't had this much anxiety in many years. It was painful actually. I recognize all the symptoms from the past, and I know that I can handle it, it's just been weighing me down. But my anxiety is NOT strike three this year. No way. I will never ever put my self down for struggling with anxiety. All of you who have read my blog for years now know that I see my anxiety as a part of me. And an important one, that guides me through life.

So, I have chosen to see the anxiety as a sign that something's not been right, and now that I'm evaluating the first almost three months of 2019, I know what I need to do. And it's live my fucking life. With purpose.  I need to put my energy in to building the life of my dreams, as I've been doing before this year started. In my own pace, with great and not so great days. As long as I know where I'm heading.

I just hit a low in the beginning of this year, but I will never see it as wasted time. Because without it, I wouldn't be able to re-energize and see what I need to do clearer than ever.

Find your purpose, and start taking that first baby step towards it. Don't let the pressure or opinions from others ruin your shining light or make you quit your journey. Life will never be perfect, but don't beat yourself up about the lows. We need the lows to get to the highs.
Don't let the pressure of living a perfect life ruin your life. 

PS: I have been seeing squirrels twice in one week, running the streets of Stockholm. Right here where I live. That has never ever happened to me in the winter before. Something big and great is heading my way. I know it is, and I can't even explain how excited I am...