Don't ever lose hope

I would like to say I'm in a transforming stage. One in which I will come out stronger with an even harder shell for new people to break through. The same kind of events keep happening to me and I know they do for a reason; for me to learn.

So what am I supposed to learn? That you can't trust anyone and that guys will treat you with less respect than you know you deserve? F u c k  n o. That is not the lesson. It has nothing to do with other people, it has to do with me and me only.

Self-love before you can be loved.

I know I have talked about it before, the fact that everything that has happened to me in the past created the person I am. I have talked about how I've learned. Although, I keep doing the same mistakes. But I read somewhere that people or events don't leave your life until they have taught you what you needed to learn from them.

I have gotten my head smashed into a wall now. Wake up and smell the fucking coffee Malena.

Again, this has nothing to do with people that I am surrounded by now, no one has mistreated me. The only one who has been mistreating me is me.
Doubt, worrying and stress has been part of every day this last month. I need to take serious action.

I am so sick of my brain too. I over analyze and I over think everything. This is what causes me to always live in the future. I create my own destiny and I do it by making up scenarios in my head that aren't even real, but which become real. I am so frustrated with this, and the fact that I don't know how to stop.

The only time I really live in the now is when I meditate. A state of pure peace of mind. That is when I can reconnect with myself, which is so important. I am who I am, and if someone decides they don't like that person anymore there's nothing I can do about it. -Even though I would have preferred an explanation. Then again, not everyone thinks like me. -

It may sound like I'm sad or whatever, but I'm fine. I won't ever lose hope. My future is bright and I am so aware of what I need to work on, and that is step one, the one that sets the foundation for my whole lesson-learning process.

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Yesterday was awesome by the way. A crazy night for all of us I would say. Good times.


Love.