How proud are you of being busy?

Walking home from Roco today, after having a very good talk and catchup with my friend Kirstine, I started thinking about the fact that nowadays, people seem to be proud of (and kind of bragging about) being really busy.

It's seen as something prestigious and something you ought to be proud of. Because if you are super busy, it means you have a purpose in life, and you work hard. We have this imprint in our heads that hard work pays off. I'm here to challenge this and say that yes, hard work pays off..maybe in form of a higher salary, more responsibility, but more stress that causes you to not sleep, in form of burnout, disease, exhaustion and a loss of character.

Agree? Maybe not, but that's how I see it.

I can be really deep, and I have thought about the meaning of life since I was a kid. What's the meaning with all this when I'm gonna die one day anyways? Eat, sleep, stress, work? I don't think so.
The ones who truly know me have know that I am a dreamer, and I believe in big BIG things. I believe in the possibility of life long love filled with passion, fun, laughter, attraction, energy. I believe in having a job that has purpose, that gives you energy instead of draining you. I believe in inspiring others to challenge themselves and continually grow as human beings. I believe you can change. I believe that if there's a will there's a way. I believe in true purpose. I believe in looking into the eyes of someone you love and be in that moment without thinking about what you need to do in the morning. I believe in being happy, truly and fully. I believe in standing up for how I feel in every situation.

You think I'm naive? Maybe. But it's the way I chose to give my life purpose, by believing in these, and by constantly work for them, and above all else; work on myself.

By staying really busy, taking on way too much responsibility, trying to prove you can do everything, showing the world that your life has purpose because you are needed, might cause you to loose the things that has true purpose.

This might sound silly to some people, but one of the meanings of true purpose for me is to take moments each day and appreciate, and to discover things. I am in my own world when I am walking around town for example. I never see friends waving at me because I see squirrels in trees, ants on the ground,  a really old couple walking hand in hand, clouds that has a shape of something, or a big red balloon across the street.

I want to make the most of my time, and not look back on my life if I grow to be old, thinking about how stressed I was, or how I missed my kids important soccer game because I had to work at a job I didn't like, or be too tired to ask how my future husbands day was and be able to truly engage, or how I lost valuable sleep that keeps me sane because I worry about all the things I have to do. I want purpose, and I want to be able to have the energy it takes to appreciate what matters most to me.

Think that I'm crazy if you want, but this is what I think I need, in order to not loose my sometimes complex mind. Because I love my mind even if it's my worst enemy sometimes.

I am in a really busy period in my life right now and have been struggling to calm my mind, but now I'm just basically telling it to shut up. I won't let stress ruin my last months here. I just won't. So I keep my eyes open, a smile on my face, and I keep acknowledging the bugs that walk next to me on the sidewalk.

I say stop glorifying being crazy busy. Start glorifying living a life filled with whatever true purpose means to you. 

Something new

I know I have been talking a lot about how much I will miss this place, BUT, there is an important but involved. I made a choice, and it was mine. I made the decision to move back to Sweden because my future is there, and because I know that that's where I am the best version of me, where I'm close to family, and where I have always known I want to live when I settle down.

I can't wait to see fall emerge and wear knitted big sweaters and see all the colors change in Sweden.
I am so excited to see the first snow fall for the first time in 4 years.
I'm excited about what kind of job I will get.
I love the fact that I will get to visit my niece and nephew whenever I want.

I can't wait to just be...swedish.

It's important to keep in mind right now (for myself, but also for the people I care about) that I am going through a transitioning phase. I have lived here for almost 4 years, and right now I'm applying for jobs back home, I have tons of work to do in school, I don't know where I'll be able to find an apartment in Stockholm, I will have to say goodbye to people here soon that I don't know if I'll ever see again in my life, so I am sorry if I'm a bit emotional and can't be on top and the happy me all the time.
I know that everything will be just fine, and I can't wait until everything is settled and I get to live my own life, with a job, my own interests and routines.

Just bare with me.

I'm coming home because I want to come home.

Memory lane - Tiesto

In February 2013, I got an offer to come to Fresno the day after and be Tiesto's personal bartender backstage.
What do you say to that? YES!

I e-mailed my teachers saying I had to go out of town, packed a bag and hoped on a train, and traveled for about 7 hours until I got to Fresno. I honestly had no idea what to expect, what the venue looked like, who was gonna be there etc. But if there's something that California has taught me, it's to be a yes-sayer.

I got there, and I talked to the 2 guys I knew a little from before, started setting up Tiesto's lounge (he wanted rose petals all over the place) Then I got all the alcohol and I set up the whole thing, before Tiesto, Alvaro and Quantino showed up with their "crew". I was the only girl in the room with about 12 guys, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, because I am way more comfortable being social and comfortable with guys then with girls. So I poured jager and made drinks, and partied with them before they got on stage one at a time.

The after party lasted until like 5 am, and the train ride home the morning after was the longest one of my life, but it was totally worth it. It was a really fun experience and a memory I'll carry for life.
Having deep talk with one of the worlds greatest DJ's, giving him advice about love at 4 am, is not something you get to do every day.


-


This weekend, I'll be working at the french film festival, so I strongly suggest everyone who's up for some awesome french movies to stop by!

Life in California

Meditation. Yoga. Coffee. Drive down Cliff drive with the sun in my eyes to the gym, loud music. Workout. Smiles from people. Drive home, watch the ocean, loud music. Shower, really feel the water on my skin. Oatmeal, banana, blueberries, applesauce, coconut milk (best. thing. ever.) Get dressed, wear whatever you want, because this is California, no one will ever judge you. Walk across the SBCC campus, watch the amazing view, go to school. Finish early? Walk to the beach. Feel the sand between my toes. Listen to and watch the ocean. PEACEFUL. Walk home. Sit on the couch with a glass of wine. Talk to roommates. Laugh. Talk about memories, and all the people we have met and been forced to say goodbye to. 

I am leaving in 2 months.

2 months.

What am I gonna do without these days?

This is my only reality, the only place I feel safe, where I know my identity, and where I have started to make a name for myself. Networked. Worked my ass off. I am a part of the community.

I am leaving in 2 months.

I will blog about memories these last couple of months. Remember the most important people I have met, and the most valuable moments.

I love you California.