Sunday reflections

I have been back for just about 2 weeks, schools back in session, all the routines are back in order, but I feel different.
I like to divide periods of my life in to different sessions in my head, and close them before I start a new one. The period from January through March was so damn weird and so much went down. That's why I decided to go home to Sweden and mentally close it before I could start this new period in Santa Barbara, and completely eliminate what had held me tied to Sweden, so I did.

There is a big BUT to this though. I went back home to quit my job that had been my backup plan if I ever move back home, and to somehow reassure myself that I will not want to move back to Sweden. I was preparing to really commit to staying in California, at least until October 2016.
But you know..life doesn't always have the same intentions that you have, and what ended up happening was that I feel a stronger longing to move back home and to Stockholm than I have ever felt before. I spent so much time with my younger sister in her awesome apartment, with my older sister and her kids that I love more than anything, and with all my best friends who know me inside out and who I couldn't be more grateful for. I can honestly say now that I feel a stronger sense of belonging in Sweden then I do here.

The strange thing too is that the sense of freedom to stay in Cali I thought I would feel when I quit my job actually had the opposite effect. I feel like I let go of something that held me tied to my old life in Sweden, and as soon as I had hung up the phone I felt like a new world of opportunities opened up for me. I saw them all in Stockholm not in Santa Barbara or California.

It scares the living hell out of me though, I have to be honest. I've built a life here that I absolutely adore, and leaving it will crush me. Although..this can't and won't last forever. I know for sure that my future is in Sweden, so I will just have to suck it up and do it. Question is; will it be this September or next year?

You all know by now that I truly believe that some things are meant to happen, and that even though I am in control of my own life and it's my responsibility to keep a positive attitude, some things are just supposed to happen and make you want to change. I have become some sort of expert in seeing the positive side of every tough situation and accept them.
That's why I'm not worried about my decision. I have faith in the fact that I will feel 100% sure about what I want to do when the time comes, and that I will feel excited and happy.

Right now, I just feel like enjoying every single day of my life because it's amazing. I wouldn't want to change a thing. Except for maybe the possibility to fly back and forth to Sweden. Like..a few times a month or so.

We celebrated Jenny's birthday yesterday and the party was super fun. The jello shots were tasty. Yes.
Downtown was fun too, I got to see Sean who made my amazing painting! I'm so glad I ran into him!
Back home, me and Harrison killed it at playing beerpong again and I ran around with a red heart baloon in my arms the rest of the night. I think I was a little cuddle sick.
Good times for sure.


I'm preparing for week 3 at Antioch now, and I have cleaned my room. I feel pretty good.

Love.