I'm begging you not to give up

In this life we can never really rely on anyone else but ourselves. Even though you are surrounded by friends, family, lovers who you sincerely trust, the fact is that all you have in the end is YOU.
I know I have written about this before, but I can not stress this enough; YOU need to love YOU to the extent that nothing exterior will cause you to doubt your own worth. 

This is what I have been working on since this summer.
One year ago, I laid eyes on the person who would come to fool me like no one else for the first time. This person deliberately lured me into believing he was my perfect partner in every single way. As time passed, I opened up more and more because he manipulated me into thinking he could be trusted, and by the end of May, I was sure I had found someone I could see myself with. He spent 5 months convincing me he was someone he was nowhere close to being. As that reviled itself, I spent months blaming myself and thinking I was naive, stupid, and looked down on myself.

What happened to me after that would significantly change the way I see myself. I have been working on self-love for real for about 4 months and the changes I see in myself are breath taking. I still have work to do, that is obvious when I look to some of my thoughts, but I am working on it.

Some of the biggest changes I see in myself are these;

- I absolutely LOVE my body. 
I used to eat only "healthy" things, that in my mind were; salads, cottage cheese, fruit, and god forbid CARBS. I worked out all the time and if I didn't do some sort of exercise in one day I thought my body would change and get bigger the next day. For Real. I was that stupid. Because even though I worked out a lot and ate like that I was never satisfied.
Today, I eat carbs every single meal. Still healthy food that is good for me but I eat a lot. And I have never looked better according to me. I don't compare myself to others because that is a big fucking waste of time. I will never look like anyone else. I look like me and I love it. I am strong and flexible and I am damn proud of the way I look.


-I know what I deserve.
I am no longer afraid of letting people know what I think of their actions. In the past, I could take shit from guys and don't say anything just because I was afraid of losing them. Duh? Yes, I was that stupid too! I know today that I don't want a guy who doesn't want me and I would never dream of taking shit or bad behavior from them. A relationship is built on equality. No one is above the other.
To be noted here too is that I am a firm believer in change (obviously) and I believe anyone can change for the better and step up their game if they think the prize of doing that is worth it.

-I am no longer stressed.
Little over a year ago, I was so stressed out that my blood pressure rose to the ceiling and I had to go to the hospital several time for it. Big warning sign, and I started to work on meditation and took up my yoga practice.
I don't know what it feels like to be stressed anymore. Seriously. I have plenty of time to do my HW and still have enough spare time to feel bored. And to be stressed about the future? Nah. Why worry? I can't control it, all I can control is myself and my thoughts about it.

And you know what the trick is? To be happy NOW. I don't wait for things in order to be complete. I am complete. I have so so so much to be grateful for in life and I am happy.

Sure, yes, I break down and I feel sad and disappointed in people and events, but I stand on a firm ground of confidence and I know that life is all about ups and downs. Without the downs, how can we know what the amazing ups are about?

On my arm, I have a tattoo with the words "meant to be". The events I thought were some of the most horrific ones in my life has been shown to be the ones who caused me to realize the most important lessons in life. And they forced me to grow, and they forced me to work on my self-love.

Because I don't want to be insecure about my worth, my body, my future, and be a door mat that people can walk all over.

I want to be strong, confident and feel beautiful so I make that happen.

Who do you want to be and what do you want? Please don't give up and give in to negative thoughts about yourself. People see you the way you see yourself. Respect yourself and you will get respect.

Love will always win, because love is the only thing in this world that won't ever change. Real love outlives us all.