Back to California..

I'm all packed and almost ready for bed and I'm filled with mixed emotions.

I'm gonna get on that Norwegian plane to LA tomorrow that I've been on so many times, but this time it's completely different. I'm not going "home" now.

I understand that it might sound weird to some people, but this trip will symbolize the first time I'm going back to where it all started after making the decision to move back to Sweden; this blog, my studies, living in a different country, discovering my spiritual side on a whole different level, all the friendships I made, the love I experienced. I'm going back to the place where I created a new life.

Right now I can't even imagine how it will feel to walk down to the beach, sit down in the sand and look at the waves like I did thousands of times before. Trust me, there will be tears involved.

I'm gonna see all the people that I saw on a regular basis that I haven't seen in 15 months or more..It's almost surreal.

I've imagined this so many times since September last year, and it's happening tomorrow. California has a very very special place in my heart. Not just because I spent 4 years living there, but because it changed me. I owe my strength, my self-confidence, my standing on my own two feet to that place. I'm so glad I made the decision to go there now, timing couldn't have been any better.

I'll try to write updates during these 2 weeks, but don't count on it. I'll probably be too busy hugging people and walk down streets reminiscing..

The greatest win of all

31 years of living has taught me something. Something not so tangible, but oh so real. 

I've learned. I've grown. I've matured. This is the greatest win of all times, because I'm proud of who I am and the woman I've turned in to. I'm unique, and I'm awesome. This is the receipt.

Everything life has ever thrown at me, I've managed to fight back, and every situation has made my skin thicker. My life and my past has been my teacher, and I've done my homework.

The thing is (and I'm saying this with all humbleness); I know that I've managed to come further in life than the majority of people who are my age and older too. I'm more curious about life, our feelings, why you feel certain things and why you act in certain ways, and I've always loved to read about the human brain and how our attitude changes everything. I've tried to apply everything I've learned, self-taught myself, and I see things in others that I'm not even sure if they see themselves, just like I know myself pretty damn well. Good and bad personality traits obviously. Self awareness is everything, and the first step to making positive changes.

I haven't been quite as good at practicing what I've preached, until now.

I'm using the tools I have collected through time, the ones that I've just kept fumbling around with, and I finally know how to use them. This is just the beginning too though, I will never stop learning and collect even more knowledge and tools, and I'm excited about that. 

My weird and wonderful brain is the best thing I've got right now, and it always will be. It always was.

My only wish and one thing I'm unsure about if I've learned for real is the ability to communicate what is happening in that brain of mine, and the ability to ask what is going on in other people's brains to learn what they need from me in order to be understanding and supportive. No one is a mind reader, and I certainly am not either. I've never been good with words I know that all too well, I'm good at writing. 

But you know what..time will tell. Only time will tell, because the future is completely blank.

Scary and amazing, just like life itself.