What happened?

I'm not blogging.

That's the topic for this entire post.


I started writing when I was a kid. I wrote stories about grocery stores that magically disappeared and ended up in the middle of forests where kids like myself lived, since they had run away from their home. I made up song lyrics that I happily sang to my parents when I was 4-6 ish. I kept a diary for 7 years from 10-17. I wrote novels in school, I wrote novels at home before I went to bed, and I loved it. I have always loved writing, and the ultimate dream is to become a writer, for real. To finish that book I've been bragging about that I started writing but never finish.


This blog has been my sacred place. I write when my heart is heavy, or when I feel inspired, or when I learn something that I want to share with you all.

But. I'm not blogging now.


The changes I've been going through these last 3 months should have had me writing every single day! Why did I lose it?
It's not the only thing I've lost though.
I've lost the urge to do yoga every morning. I've lost the urge to run, to meditate, to read, to plan my future, and to write.

I spent my Saturday night crying my eyes out. I thought about the person I was in Santa Barbara vs the person I am now with the sad eyes, and I think that 3 months after I sat foot in Sweden again, I finally realized what happened. I left. I'm not going back.

Everything happened so fast since I got back, new apartment, new city and a job within 4 weeks.
I'm not saying that I regret moving back home, I just think I repressed it a little all this time because I wanted this move to be as good as it possibly could.
It's not an easy thing to do you know, to switch environment after 4 years. Especially when it's Santa Barbara which is the most beautiful place in the entire world, filled with the most positive and inspiring people I've ever met.

I'm writing this post now.

I realized that I'm losing what is me. I love writing, I love my yoga, I love meditation, I love reading all the books I have bought about the meaning of life and the power of our thoughts, and I'm proud over all the hours I gladly spend at the gym. Those things have been a big part of my life and I can't lose them because that would mean losing Malena. It's up to me to stay true to myself and what I believe in. I'm me, wether I'm in Santa Barbara or Stockholm or anywhere else in the world.

Sometimes you need to push yourself a little in order to remind yourself of what you love and why you are doing certain things. You love the things you love because they represent you and your core beliefs. Stay true to that. I will.