CHANGE

Throughout these 3 years that I've spent putting my thoughts in writing via this blog, I have grown tremendously. I have changed. 

You may say "people can't change". But you know what? People change all the time. If there's something I know for sure in life it's that everything changes. People, circumstances, places...everything. You grow, you get older, you realize what matters in life, and when that realization hits you, and I mean really hits you like a punch in the stomach, that's when you will want to change, and actually do something about it.

I try to put down experiences that I've had in this blog, and I feel happy when someone says I inspire them. But think about how long that inspiration lasts? You may agree with everything I write and share, and you think to yourself that you want to change too. But what are you willing to give up for that change? If your answer is nothing, then I'm sorry, nothing will change.

Why would you have to give something up in order to change? Well, it's not a tangible thing you need to give up. What you will need to give up is your comfort zone. You are a certain way and you are so sure that that's just the way you are and you will always be like that. NO. That's just an excuse for not taking the step that scares the living hell out of you.

It is what it takes. You are not just required to want change, You are required to be willing to change. There's a big difference in just wanting it and actually be willing to take action for it.
You can do it. Anyone can do it.

The importance of reaching out and be humble

You know what it feels like to be misunderstood right? When you try to communicate something that gets interpreted completely wrong. The other person reads something and comes up with a respond that doesn't match what you were expecting at all. A discussion might be the result. Or worse; a big fight.
For what?
Was it you who were sloppy when trying to explain? Or was it the other person who is to blame because he/she didn't understand what you were trying to say?

It is no ones fault. Misunderstandings created by miscommunication is more common than you think. You might think someone's upset with you, when that person feels the exactly the same way about you.
Because we all have a tendency to try and defend ourselves when we feel we are being treated poorly. So you say something in respond to make the other person feel as poorly treated as you, because you refuse to show how you really feel. But this turns into a circle of even more misunderstandings that eventually turn into something that can't be fixed.


What if you were to stop the circle and reach out? Be humble. Solve it. Talk about it. Face to face. Look into each others eyes and explain, and most importantly, be honest. Would you do it? Or be afraid of the pride issue?
Life is not a game. It is not about not being vulnerable, not about being the one on the upper hand, not about disrespecting other people's feelings, it is about finding a stability and be confident enough to be honest.

Not all fights or disputes develop from dishonesty, but a lot of them do.
I know from own experience, that when you try to act like you don't care, say things you don't mean to deliberately hurt someone, or try to push feelings away, it will only come back to bite you in the ass.
And regret is the worst feeling ever.

Next time you're about to act on impulse and say something you might regret, take a step back. Reflect, even if it's just a few seconds. Is it worth it?

Because remember; once you've said something or done something, it can be forgiven but it can never ever be erased.

Then what?

I am graduating in September.
I am an international student.
I am allowed to apply for a 12 month work visa when I have my degree, but, then what?
A very real scenario is that when that OPT visa expires, I will have no choice but to move back to Sweden in 2016.

Through the years, I've wanted to leave California and move back to Sweden 4 times, and the last time I really thought I would leave. I was gonna start a new life in Sweden. But something happened, that got me thinking. And I am certain that some things in life are just meant to be, circumstances will change to allow the right things to happen. I wasn't ready to leave although I thought I was for a while. I was meant to stay.

I'm here, and I have no clue what my future will bring, and even though that is exciting, I still want stability. It's what I'm longing for. Right now though, stability feels pretty far away. But then again, you never know.

The only thing I know as of this moment, is that I am incredibly grateful for the people I have in my life here. And in Sweden. The ones who want to stay in my life will stay, and the ones I want in my life I will keep. That's the way it is.

I love love love the friends I have that know I'm always in their heart even though it might be months without any contact. I miss you all every day.

Without friendship and love, I'm nothing.

And as for the title of this post..I'm just as eager as you guys to find out where I will be a year from now.

Spring clean; apartment and mind!

Hey everyone,

I'm sitting on our couch, doing HW and feeling super productive! I took a long morning walk this morning, and made a stop by the SBCC tracks. It feels so good starting the day off with fresh air before breakfast, I love it.
When I got in, both Jenny and Ellen were awake (which is NOT NORMAL) because it was like 8 am. But they are both jet lagged, thats why. I had some breakfast and started doing laundry.
Jenny cleaned basically the entire apartment yesterday and Ellen is currently cleaning out all of her old drawers and stuff. I feel like I'm a little behind..so I decided to clean out my bikini drawer (hey, at least it's something!) and I found my old keys that I thought I had lost! Super random, but I'm happy.

My spring clean will be to clean my mind. I will clean out my room and all my drawers too eventually, it's just that I'm not really an organized person. I believe in organized chaos..
But anyways; this spring will be the beginning of my future life as a positive thinker. I try to always see things through a positive perspective, and I am pretty good at it most times, although I am very good at giving myself a really hard time. I don't always have the greatest thoughts about myself and my performance etc. But this is all changing! It is a work in progress.

I feel so excited about everything right now! Spring is coming up, me and Kirstine will book a trip during spring break soon, school is going great, I adore every person that I have in my life right now, and yes, I just feel really happy!

I have my business planning class tonight, which is my favorite this semester. We all need to come up with a product that might eventually get launched. I always wanted to run my own business so this class is really awesome.

Have a great great day/night everyone!

Girls vs guys.

Ok. I'm gonna touch upon something that can be very sensitive to some people. Remember that this is my perspective, and what observations I have made over the years. 

From my point of view, girls can be way too needy. Seriously. And do you know why girls are so needy? Because they need constant reinsurance that the guy they date is still in to them. In their mind, when a guy does not text in a day or if they don't respond instantly, girls think that he's changed his mind and doesn't like them anymore, and they overanalyze everything he said in his last text. And she will worry. Until the guy texts or calls. Then she will breathe. For about 12 hours until the next time he does not respond within an hour..

This is bullshit. Doesn't it seem tiring? I myself have been in this situation, but I have learned through the years. If there is something I know about guys, it's that us girls will never ever fully understand you. And you guys will never ever fully understand us. That is why we need to meet in the middle. I support you, you support me. And we communicate, on equal terms. 

So guys, if you are not fully in to a girl and just keep her around for occasional hook ups, and you know that she's probably a little more in to you; just release her and put her out of her over-analyzing misery. If you like her and want to get to know her better and you see relationship potential, just try and answer her text within a reasonable time. And show a little effort. That will calm her.
Because I think I know this; guys do not think as much as girls do, maybe about 30% as much I would say. I think that if a guy feel comfortable with a girl, he doesn't feel the need to constantly reinsure her that everything's on track. Why would he? He just enjoys it, and what usually destroys that feeling, is that the girl freaks out because of his lack of reinsurance.
Although, and a very important although; some guys will want to reinsure you all the time because they like you so much. But how do we feel about that? They are too much right? There's no excitement in that, so those guys are usually out the door in no time.

Ha, I don't blame you guys for not understanding what a girl really wants.

But why is it often the girl who worries if the guy will stick around or not? Isn't it more important to try and figure out if you even want him to stick around? Some girls have a tendency to think more about the fact that the guy they date might leave them, than to actually try and figure out if he has the qualities that match her and her desires.

Just relax, and don't rush.

I won't fucking settle down until I know for sure that I have met someone who has the same values as I do. Who I can support will all my heart, and who will support me the same way. Who will respect and love all of me, and who I will respect and love with all my heart. Who will want an awesome relationship filled with traveling, laughter, excitement and everything but a hamster wheel.
That takes a while you know, to get to know a person, for real.
I will also make a vow to never ever wish that he should change. When you fall in love with a person, you fall in love with everything about them. Obviously, there has to be some compromises in every relationship, but then that is just what it is; a compromise, which means both parts meet in the middle, not one person changing for the other one.

What I want is just to be on equal terms. Show me how much you want me, as much as I show you how much I want you.

I know I myself can be a hard nut to crack, but once it's cracked...ya.  I'm just so over playing games.

Well..those were my thoughts this Monday afternoon.
Thanks for reading, and please leave a comment if I have upset you or if you agree or just want to add something.

First week back in California

Hey hey hey,

I have not been a good blogger! I know. I don't even have an excuse, because I haven't been that busy.
First week of classes is done, and I like all my classes this quarter too! I don't think it will be as hectic as the last one, and my schedule is ridiculously awesome. One class Monday morning, 2 after each other on Tuesday, free all Wednesday and one night class from 6-9 on Thursday, so basically; I have all day from noon off on Mondays, all Wednesday and all day Thursday until 6 pm. So, a lot of spare time and a lot of study time, which means I get to completely relax on the weekends! I am not complaining, although, if I know myself, I will get extremely restless!

Anyways, I have been enjoying myself a lot since I came back last Saturday night. It is always a bit difficult leaving everyone in Sweden, but as soon as I set foot here again, I know my place. This is where I have been educating myself for 3 years now, and this is where I have created a network that will work in my favor. I am beyond excited about this year! A lot of big changes and decisions are to be made, but I feel ready.

I thought I would go out this weekend, but ended up not feeling it at all. I had a great one though, me and Joe went to Eureka yesterday, which is still one of my favorite restaurants in this town, and ate a l o t. Their corn dog appetizer is amazing! I had them with my mom too last time she was visiting. Then I had the fig burger of course, and the sweet potato fries. Fell asleep early yesterday; full and happy.

Today has been lazy. It's been raining, and so I thought I would just stay in all day and watch netflix, but I ended up going to the gym for a few hours which felt really really good. Read a few chapters for my comm class tomorrow, made food, napped a little, and now I'm just waiting until I get to go to sleep. I think I'm still suffering from jet lag to be honest. Right when I got in to the right rhythm in Sweden, I left and traveled 9 hours back in time..and it usually takes me about 8-9 days to get back in to the right rhythm.

My dear roommates will be back this upcoming week too, and I can't wait! It will be super nice to have my girls close again, so we can do all of our daily silly things. Love you, see you soon!

Time to tuck in.

Thank you Sweden

I'm currently at Copenhagen airport, waiting 4 hours for my LA flight. I like this airport, it's really cool. I'm tired though, because I had to get up at 3.30 am (!) to catch the air bus to Arlanda.

I'm sitting here reminiscing. Thinking about last year. It was a weird one, that started off with me on a solid cloud 9 only to hop over to another cloud 9 that was made out of thin air. I fell off harder than I ever thought. Anyways, it's all history now, and I am all good with everything that happened last year. And that was especially the first part of the year.

The second half, or the one starting in October when I got back to SB was awesome. I might have partied a little too hard and played a little too hard but I had fun. I realized a few things before I left SB in December too, and that is that I want stability. For real.

I'll write more when I'm back, safe and sound in our little apartment.

Love