How many times have you said the words "I forgive you", and truly felt that you meant it? If someone's done something to you that requires you to forgive them, is it enough to just say the words I forgive you and then move on?
Nope.
I believe in forgiveness and I believe that it has two separate functions.
Every single person in this world has done and will keep making mistakes. You can choose to say that you forgive a person for something that they've done, but you have to make sure that you do with every single part of you, because once you say that you forgive, you can't bring it up in the next fight. Are you able to let go of the hurt and leave it behind? Or do you say you forgive them because you're scared of being alone and to loose that person?
If someone lets you down, they do something unexpected.
True forgiveness is when you let go of the hope that the future could have been different.
Our brains are programmed to plan stuff and with planning comes expectations. I believe it's a safety mechanism, because it's scary as hell not knowing what the future might bring right?
Expectations can be so dangerous though, because this life comes with zero guarantees.
When you forgive someone and do it with your entire being, you are making a statement that you will let it go and you will keep that person in your life. They are truly sorry and you will never ever punish them for that mistake, because you forgave them.
The other function that forgiveness has is when you forgive someone who's no longer in your life. A person that is not the slightest bit sorry for what they did to you. This type of forgiveness is super hard. But it's the same principle: True forgiveness is when you let go of the hope that the future could have been different.
When you come to the realization that things will never be the way you once expected (the dangerous expectations) you need to forgive that person to be able to let go.
Let go of them, and let go of the hope that you held on to for so long.
And don't forget to forgive yourself for holding on for so long.
Like I once wrote before: to be able to allow new better things to enter your life, you need to let go of the old stuff from the past. Because no matter how hard you try to carry it all, the new and the old, the old stuff will weigh you down, and eventually make you drop the entire weight and maybe leave you with nothing. Make sure the things you carry are light, loving and bring you nothing but joy.
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