positivity as the main ingredient

People keep asking me if I miss California.

Obviously, yes. 

Although, I don't miss it anywhere near the extent that I thought I would. I love living in Stockholm. I love love love my little apartment. I'm staying busy, and time flies. I'm still very much adapting to the new job and I'm noticing that I've lost a lot of what I've always preached. 

I've been writing about the harm of stress many times before, and I'm almost ashamed right now about how much stress I've allowed into my life. My teeth and my jaws have been sore because of all the gnashing of teeth. My body has literally been shaking from time to time out of stress. I've been way too emotional and I've felt extremely weak.

I allowed stress to completely take over. I stopped meditating when I needed it more then ever before, and I stopped doing my yoga practice because at the time I actually believed that yoga and meditation was bullshit. That's how bad it was.

I'm back on my yoga mat. I'm meditating before I go to bed, and I sit in lotus position every morning for at least 10 min. I try to focus on the positive things in life, because the reason why stress took over was simply because I focused on negativity. It's so important to put energy into focusing on the right things. What's hard though is to turn the focus when you're far down the line. It's soooo easy to focus on positivity when everything is pretty good in life. It's 1000 times harder when you're spiraling downwards. 

I am one of the luckiest people I know. I'm surrounded by people I love being around, I have my own place where I feel super comfortable, I have my entire family living in Stockholm now, I'm healthy, I'm loved, and I'm home where I know I belong.

I'm using the cliche; "I'm too blessed to be stressed". 

Every experience adds to being able to appreciate life more. If you have been super far down, it leads to being able to experience higher highs. Because I believe it goes both ways. The trick is to focus on the good, and to work towards staying at that high. 

There's no such thing as being too positive. I don't believe you need to be harsh in order to try to teach others something. I believe in lifting others, and doing that by bringing positivity into their lives. Who doesn't want positivity? Who doesn't want people smiling at them? A team, a relationship, a friendship, everything in life needs positivity as the main ingredient. 

I'm pouring a glass of red wine now. I'm gonna write a gratitude list and I'm crossing my fingers that the nausea and freezing will be gone tomorrow.

Focus on the right things people. 

Love. 

Then, and now.

I can't even remember how long its been since I blogged! I'm so sorry. A lot of things have happened since I wrote last time..I was unemployed and didn't have my own place, I was frustrated and I was restless. BUT:

I bought my apartment on Mariaberget in Stockholm 3 weeks ago and I'm moving in in a week. I can't wait, because now I'm forced to commute since I got a great job as project manager at a really cool action marketing agency in Stockholm! And even though it's just a 55 min train ride from my hometown it's still rough. I wake up at 5 am and get home at 7 pm ish..

About a week ago I took a walk during my lunch break and I sat down in this park close to where I work. For some reason I started thinking about where I was 6 months ago, and suddenly I remembered how I felt about everything. How I felt about moving back to Sweden, about what kind of job I wanted, about where in Stockholm I wanted to live and so on.
As I was sitting in that park I just got some sort of awakening, and it hit me that I was actually starting to settle in, and that everything I was stressing about back then was solved..and that I'm really happy.

I was so indecisive 6 months ago. It was a constant battle in my head. One day I wanted to stay in California and live the simple hippie style life forever, and the other I wanted to move back home and settle down. I was sick of being in school but I was terrified about start working again too. I was scared of turning into the person I was in Sweden before I moved when I was 26, if I decided to move back. I was equally scared of ending up alone if I stayed in California, without close friends and my supporting family.

All that is dead and gone now. I haven't felt regret even once since I bought my place and got this job. I'm right where I want to be. I will always miss Santa Barbara, but I needed to leave in order to move forward. I am ready for whatever this new life has to offer. I'm already super challenged by my job, and I know that this experience will turn me into an incredibly strong individual. In this field, you need to have some balls and stand up for yourself, and I am more than up for the challenge.

I made the choice, and I chose Sweden.