Females need safety. We need to feel safe and secure and feel like our partner choose us and no one else. We want to feel like we're the number one coolest and that the man we are with appreciates us and all of our awesome qualities.
Men need freedom. They need to keep the feeling of being able to live their life to the fullest even when they are in a relationship. They need a female who understands this 100 %, and understands that it doesn't mean that he wants her any less just because he needs to do his own stuff.
I am no psychologist and no relationship expert in any way, but I would dare to say that it is these two that often collide, and probably more often in a new relationship. This can cause problems.
And I say CAN cause problems, because I think it's relatively easy to avoid this causing problems.
These needs are equally important, that's crucial to keep in mind. No female should compromise with her feelings and accept any kind of behavior from a man because he needs his freedom. Likewise, no man should ever compromise his need of freedom to make the woman feel safe.
I think that scenarios that often happen is, one:
When the female starts feeling like she wants to know if the man is committed and wants to be with her and no one else because she starts to feel like she is there. Before having a conversation about this, it might (and I say might, because it's not always the case) lead to her feeling insecure and needing more reassurance. She starts looking and asking for more reassurance and start demanding more from the man.
The male part feels this, and immediately starts thinking that it's too much, that he feels pressured, and he might start thinking that this woman will steal his freedom, or demand more of him than he is able to give, so he can't handle it and leaves.
Or the male part starts to feel that he is falling in love with the woman and might have this vision of a committed relationship as something that will hold him back in life. That he will lose his freedom. So he might start withdrawing because of this even though he doesn't want to. The female feels this and thinks; "Fuck it, if this guy doesn't want me, I have plenty of other options", and she leaves because she doesn't feel like the man appreciates her.
How easy would it be to avoid these scenarios? Talk about it. Where are you at? What do you want and need from me? Meet in the middle. All of us have different needs and wants, and the most important thing is that we can never expect to own another human being or try to control them. We can't change another person. Humans only change if they want to, and when we do it because it turns us in to better people. Listen to each other and understand each other. Judging leads you nowhere.
And this is also something I just have to mention: Women need freedom too! Males need safety too!
No woman wants to feel controlled or be with a man who tries to tie her down and stop her from pursuing her dreams. No man wants to be with a woman who doesn't show him that she appreciates him and supports him.
I still thought it was interesting to know these two top priorities that the majority of men and women need in a relationship. I think many of us can relate to some kind of scenario where this could apply.
Just some thoughts on this friday afternoon. Communication is, like we all know by now, key. It's not always easy, but it's the best thing we can do, to be able to understand another human being. And personally, there's nothing more rewarding than feeling like you are able to understand the behavior of another person. It brings you closer to that person and you will be able to learn so so much from each other.
I believe freedom and safety can walk hand in hand. No doubt about it. Let the guy have the freedom to fly and support him, and let the girl know that she is fucking awesome and lift her to the sky so that she feels like she can pursue all of her dreams.
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