Sometimes I find myself feeling sorry for myself. When I do, I look myself in the mirror and say you're a badass and you can do anything.
I will never allow myself to loose hope and faith in what I want.
I am such an impatient person, it's ridiculous. When I started driving before I got my license, I was so upset with the car, not with myself because I couldn't drive stick flawlessly the first day, nope, it was a the car's fault. When I started doing yoga a couple years ago, I was frustrated because I couldn't get all the poses right immediately. Same thing when I started running, I expected to be able to run 10K the first time, and when I couldn't I was angry with the shoes. When I walk behind people who walk slow, I can't stand it and I have to pass them even though I'm not in a hurry what so ever.
I need a purpose. I need something to do in order to get out of bed in the morning. I bet people who graduate after 4 years of hard, stressful work likes the time off to recharge but not me. I am seriously going crazy. I expected to have a job lined up as I got home.
What is starting to happen after about 2,5 weeks in Sweden without anything to do, is that I'm slipping. I find myself, like I said, feeling sorry for myself, and I start loosing faith in myself, which scares the living hell out of me. I can't ever let that happen because I have always been so secure when it comes to confidence in the workplace. I know that I'm awesome, and that I will get a great job with an awesome salary, and that has been my mindset my entire life. So I can't slip. I can't loose the only thing I know I'm good at, which is working.
I am extremely driven, and the worst overachiever you will ever meet when it comes to exceeding expectations. I need to work. I need it.
Don't think I'm not on it every single day, looking and applying for jobs on all kinds of sites, I am. I'm not slacking. The purpose is to find the perfect job for me, and that's my motivation to get out of bed in the mornings now. I'm just impatient..sooo impatient.
Plus, I'm staying strong for the people I love most, and I won't ever slip here either. I am strong, and I am sharing my strength to the very extent possible.
