Finding true balance.

About a year ago I hit a wall, I started doubting what I wanted out of life. It got me thinking, and it forced me to try new things, which I needed in order to eventually get back to and stick to my original path, the one to finish my degree and get out in the business/sales field.

1) What do I want? A challenging job, high salary, be a leader, stay busy, maintain a good body, a house or big apartment in Sweden, an apartment in California, drive my dream car (white porsche cayenne or a white range rover) start my own company, and be extremely successful.

2) What do truly I want? It's simple. I want passion, love, self acceptance, happiness, children, peacefulness, a healthy life, laughter, closeness, friendships, deep connections and quality time with the people I love.

What's wrong with these two? How can I want shallowness and attributes that only money can buy on one side and feelings no money in the world can buy on the other side? How can I want both sides when they are completely contradictory?

But are they though?

 I have come to realize, for example, that;
-In order to accept myself and stay true to myself, I need to be challenged, work hard, and know that I inspire others.
-In order to live a healthy life, I work out to maintain the body I love and that I am comfortable in.
-In order to feel peaceful, I need to stay busy and feel important to a company, because without staying occupied, I can't feel the true need of de-stressing and appreciate peaceful moments.
-To feel happiness, I need to feel successful, and that I am good at something.
-To feel true closeness, I need to do my own thing, keep my own interests and feel successful and not cling on to another person and their interests and think that that's closeness.
-To feel passion, I need to follow my dream of one day running my own business.

-And most importantly: To give and receive true love and to raise children in a family built on deep connection and love, I need to be me. The true me. I have tried to find me my entire life, and I used to focus a lot more on my "shallow me" and rely on what people thought of me, instead of focusing on accepting myself.
I am very sure of who I am now though, because I started listening to myself. I found balance between my two sides. Yes, I am driven, I am aiming really high when it comes to my career, (I believe I can do anything), because that is something I am passionate about and something I need, but I am also very aware of the fact that my family and my true friends will always always always come first, and that I will never allow myself to loose my need of connection, closeness, peacefulness and love.

I have made a vow to myself to always make time for the things that truly matter and not devote my life to making money and loose myself to the "shallow side". I need that side to a certain degree though, in order to not loose myself and stop following my own dreams to work hard and receive the things that I have always dreamed of.

I needed balance.

And awareness people, is the key to everything.